| Who's Your Daddy Pumpkin? |
[Jan. 6th, 2010|05:18 pm] |
As an aside, I love the Pumpkin remixes of Benny Benassi tunes, but don't really care for the originals. Weird.
Anyway!
There has been some excellent response re: the nerd theme strip club.
There was much discussion of this at lunch, and I think the tentative name would be "The Power Strip."
The costumes would have to play a huge part, otherwise isn't just an arcade with naked women. I'm thinking each night would have a theme. Themes would range from anime (with its billions and billions of female characters to choose from) to games (imagine how much more fun a Bayonetta release party would be if... well, you know) to movies (Help me get my bra off Obi-wan Kenobi!)
**continued later** |
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| CP and the Titty Bar |
[Jan. 5th, 2010|03:08 pm] |
I haven't made a CP post in a bit, and I think its because this baseline crazy he's established is hard to top. We expect him to do crazy shit like run around and talk about how cool land mines are (bouncing bettys being the best because they are so much more effective at waist height doncha'know!) and at a certain point it just gets boring.
Every so often though...
Every so often CP invites himself out with a couple of us after work, and that's when the fun really starts.
On the day in question, most of us were out on vacation. However, we're all pretty good chums and like to have a drink or two together after slaving over hot monkey brains. We all met up at our favorite pub, and surprise surprise, CP comes waddling in the door. He proceeded to act creepy and drive off both bartenders and the waitress that one of the guys is sweet on.
Since this pretty much killed the night, Daniel gets the idea we should all go to the titty bar up the street. Everyone, including me, bailed leaving Daniel with CP. CP was shaking his head so hard I thought his eyeballs were going to dislodge themselves.
See, CP had never been to a titty bar. CP had never been to a gentleman's club, strip bar, nudie bar, skin bar... wow, there aren't very many inventive slang terms for a strip club.
Anyway, this is new territory for him and he's eager as a thing that's really eager. Perhaps some sort of small semi-aquatic mammal that builds dams, I dunno.
So, from here on out the tale belongs to someone else, but I trust the source.
The club chosen was once a terrible Chinese food restaurant right next to a hotel. This particular club has only been open a year or so and has already changed names twice. They have charming specials like "No cover with hotel key" and "bring in an ugly girl for a free lap dance." Real A #1 marketing techniques here.
Anyway, Daniel and CP go to this place and Daniel tries to impart some wisdom in the form of "Get some cash from the ATM now, and only expect to spend that amount. Leave your credit card in your car" and "They are paid to do this, none of them are really in to you."
Grand advice really, but CP is so ready to see a naked woman, live, probably for the first time out side of family, that he can think of nothing else. His mind is closed and he pays the cover charge for himself and Daniel. Nice guy that, but as no good deed goes unpunished, he's soon paying for all the drinks. Why? He left his credit card with the bartender.
It took some prodding and about a dozen awkward and abortive conversations with various dancers wherein he tried to talk to them about Call of Duty, Dungeons and Dragons, and how the government is trying to control our minds with vapor trails, then suddenly he's standing at the stage, body rigid, arms pinned to his side, mouth agape. There is an ass in his face. He's still a good foot or two from the moist gyrating flesh, but there is an ass. In his face. He's throwing down Washingtons like General Howe at White Plains, and then disappears in to the Champagne Room with one of the dancers. A couple of hours later, he emerges and is ready to leave, $800 lighter but having lost nothing.
Part of me wishes I could have been there. Part of me wishes I could have been at a table ensconced behind a beer and secretly loling as the stripper, sensing an easy target, made her move then slowly realized to her terror that she's got a talker on her hands. Not any talker either, but a talker she can't relate to. A talker that's so far outside the normal range of club clientele that this seasoned professional of the titty circuit is shaken to her very core. CP on the other hand is now convinced that he's the "Mack Daddy" (he pronounces the air quotes when he says it) and plans on returning to the club after he gets his next paycheck.
*woah, mental note. If I ever open a strip club I will eschew the whole sports bar or seedy den theme. Instead, I'll have TVs and game consoles installed. The women will be asked to dress as game characters. Cheetoes and Jolt will be served. |
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| The new issue of Gigantic Blue Asses |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|06:31 am] |
Unobtanium? Really James? REALLY?
*sigh*
I went and saw Avatar, but first, the pre-views.
1.) Oh man, when did Nicolas Cage get type-cast as some buff action guy? The guy behind me keeps running his mouth.
2.) Misty forest movie? Umm.. I don't know, something about a guy? Dude, shut up, its not the Wolfman trailer.
3.) Oh fuck yeah! Clash of the Titans! Man, I'm looking forward to this, though it isn't going to be as memorable as all the Ray Harry, SERIOUSLY MAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IRON MAN 2!
4.) Its neat that they are showing opera performances in a theater setting. I don't know how successful it FOR FUCKS SAKE SHUT UP! THIS IS OPERA NOT A GOD DAMN MOVIE!
5.) I dunno, the Mad Hatter with a sword? I... SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN HOLE!
6.) Good, I'm glad they didn't show an Iron Man 2 trailer, glad out of spite. You hear me cocksucker? SPITE!
So then the movie...
( Read more... )
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| too late |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|01:23 am] |
I'd like to say I've been up all night screwing with my new lighting set-up, but alas. It took me hours to get the new fridge in the house. I had to blow the doors off the sucker, and in this case "the sucker" includes both the house and the fridge. Plus, I had to take the fridge hinges off. Freaking obnoxious.
Buuut, its all in and brooding in the corner like Darth Vader's own Imperial Galactic Refrigerator.
Its freaking huge. It holds milk in the door. It has a butter tray that could probably fit 20 pounds of butter. It has water and ice in the door.
Tomorrow I'll have the part I need to hook the water and ice up. Then I'll probably play with my light gear. That means pictures! Horrible horrible pictures! |
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| Operation Fudge |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|03:03 pm] |
The second transport is away!
*insert more cheering*
Also, all Squidmas cards have been sent. Lucky for me, Squidmas is 10 days long so you're all bound to get the card somewhere in there.
In other news, my flash unit arrived today and it is...
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| Fiesty |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|11:07 am] |
Thanks to Pope who had this link in her journal this morning.
Iranian men in head scarves as a form of protest
Anti-government protester Majid Tavakoli was arrested for.. you know, protesting. Days later FARS began broadcasting pictures of this man wearing a women's chador explaining that he was using the full body and face covering garment to attempt to escape capture.
Many are attempting to roll to disbelieve as the Revolutionary Government has done this sort of thing before, insinuating that people who act against them are somehow less than men, some sort of... oh, I don't know, woman if you will.
This has sparked much anger and many men in the anti-government movement are posting pictures of themselves in hijab. (the required head covering for women in the Islamic Republic)
So, after reading all of this I get a hot little glow of pride in my chest. These people on the other side of the world, people who live under a repressive theocratic regime that will arrest and kill them for protests such as this, are risking their lives in their quest for freedom.
Sounds really familiar doesn't it? Sounds like something most Americans have had drilled in to their faces since birth, doesn't it?
And yet, there are those in this country who beat their chests and shit pure jingoism that point at these people and try to tell me that they want to destroy our American way of life. That they want to oppress me with their religion and their laws and their morals and their very swarthyness.
At the same time, they will press their religion on me, press their morals, and their whiteness, and their laws and tell me I'm not a good citizen because I refuse to conform. Conform for freedom.
I, for one, say fuck a FAT load of that.
Freedom is the very essence of the "American Way of Life(tm)" and I will be triple dammed if ever I believe some bullshit non-sense about your skin, your religion, your location, or your language somehow making your struggle for freedom insignificant, or even worse, a threat to my own. I spit on the idea that someone who fights for freedom is a danger to my "American Way of Life." |
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| Project Fudge |
[Dec. 15th, 2009|11:45 pm] |
The first transport is away!
*insert cheering*
Yes, the first batch of fudge has been sent out. If you get fudge from me in the next 3-5 business days, you know you were on the first transport. I really wish I'd had access to an ion cannon today, as it would have made the lines shorter. However, you send out packages at the same time as every other human in a 50 mile radius and you have to expect some lines. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2009|12:25 am] |
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I sure have been packing a lot of fudge the last two nights. I have a success story with pictures, but it will have to wait. Tired. From packing. Packing fudge. |
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| I went out last night and fudged your mama |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|12:05 pm] |
The CBO (Confectionery Budgetary Office) approved limited production of fudge this year, and the decision was made to concentrate on proven Bloc 1 and Bloc 1A fudgenologies.
Due to some procurement issues, a true Bloc 1 fudge wasn't possible and Hybrid Bloc 1/5b was designed and approved.
All seemed well during the run-up. There were some time consuming preparations to be made, mainly in chopping up all that damn chocolate. Once the butter hit the pot, all seemed to be smooth sailing.
Now, there are some issues that I never really new about in the past which I learned on this run.
1.) A black non-stick pot has a different coefficient of heating than a bright metal pot. I knew this but didn't really think it mattered that much. When making fudge, it matters. The bright metal transfers heat faster and causes the supersaturated butter/evaporated milk and sugar mixture to reach critical emulsification temperatures sooner. The result was a near instant re-crystallization of the sugar once the chocolate was introduced, overwhelming the buffering action of the fat and causing the mixture to become nearly too thick to stir.
Compounding this, once the mixture thickened, the marshmallow fluff that acts as a secondary binder and buffer couldn't be introduced, and thus, you've got a thick, dense, grainy mixture that cools in to a crumbly candy called Scots Tablet.
Only, Scots Tablet is traditionally flavored with honey, vanilla, and nuts, not chocolate.
2.) Grain size on the chocolate should be pretty small. Larger pieces melt slower and absorb more energy quicker. This is important because the faster the mixture cools, the sooner it recrystallizes. Again, fast re-crystallization leads to Scots Tablet, not fudge.
Since I set out to make fudge, the batch was called a failure and I nearly threw it out. However, I didn't want to waste all that chocolate so I poured it in to the molds and cooled it over night. I chopped the stuff up last night, and holy shit is it crumbly. Rich too. The marshmallow fluff really adds a creamy smoothness and counters some of the more heady alkali flavors of the cacao. But no, screw your marshmallow fluff. This stuff is like tossing a chocolate bunny's salad. I have dubbed it... Failge.
I stocked up and tried again.
More to come! |
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| Things I learned on Planet 51 |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|05:41 pm] |
I took the squidlings to see Planet 51 this weekend. It was a nice little outing and dove tailed nicely with having to say up till 6am Sunday morning working on a dropped connection between my main office and our remote site. Turns out, it was a bad fiber transceiver, but that ain't why I called.
Planet 51. Huh. Yeah. It was alright. A bit disappointing but also interesting in little ways. I think the software has become ubiquitous enough that animated movies are finally going to have to compete on plot, writing, and cleavage rather than sub-surface particle tracing and digital eye-lash rendering. This movie was made in Spain, and if the Spaniards can turn out some rather nicely rendered work... well, the French can't be too far behind.
So what did I learn from this movie?
Well, aside from the rather heavy handed blunt smack to the back of the head about acceptance of difference, I learned that...
1.) Alien women are freaking hot. Especially when they wear 50's dress. Man. MAN. You haven't seen an ankle length A skirt shake like that until its been on a creature with a pelvis that's the widest bone in their body.
2.) Aliens speak English. Unless you've got the SAP track on.
3.) Aliens breathe oxygen in concentrations suitable for humans.
4.) Anti-grav technology, no matter how ubiquitous, will never be used to cheaply breach an atmosphere. Mostly it will be there to allow the alien version of the 57 Caddy to wallow just like its wheel-borne counterpart around the most gentle of curves.
5.) Aviator glasses will ALWAYS have nose pads. Even if your species doesn't possess a nose.
6.) You're never too alien to make Beatles references.
7.) Humans keep their antennae in very strange places.
8.) NASA of the future can't make remote sensors or train astronauts for shit, but by damn they can make an EXCELLENT planetary rover. Probably because they let Apple design the exterior. |
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| News from Lake Fuqua |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009|05:12 pm] |
It was a slow summer here at the Weather Company, where the meteorologists are above average in their predictions and the IT staff are both handsome and forthright but the meteorologists who are also in IT are slightly shifty but handsome none the less.
It was a slow summer with few tropical storms and even fewer serious hurricanes, despite the good predictions from earlier in the year, and the meteorologists were getting antsy. They get antsy when the Gulf of Mexico is quiet and all that pent up energy has to go somewhere.
Well sir, Houston is on track to receive a little kiss of snow tomorrow and this news has sent a few of the more excitable mets in to, what they call around these parts, a snit. As the day wears on and the data piles up this snit spreads from the weather areas of the company like ripples on a pond after you skip a few stones in to it and before you know it the sales folks are sharing a snit over afternoon coffee and the snit is being spread through e-mail to your customers.
Snits are slow in spreading to IT, where the engineers tend to resist such things with a stoic determination born of a career based on having a higher level of education, technical knowledge, mechanical prowess, but a rate of disappointment and job satisfaction that wouldn't be out of place in the 3rd string of a local and poorly performing sports team.
So be on the look out tomorrow for great billowing clouds, a raging torrent of weather related snits, and possibly a few road blocking millimeters of snow.
And that's the news from the Weather Company, where the women are beautiful, the men are strong, and a few of the women are also strong. |
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| Yoinked |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|04:54 pm] |
In 2009,  squidflakes resolves to... Find a better squid.
Go to tentacle sex every Sunday.
Give some tentacles to charity.
Spend more time with my anime conventions.
Put fifty giant squids a month into my savings account.
Get back in contact with some old cephalopods.
Its all so true |
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| p.s.... |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|09:41 pm] |
The Lemonhead
1 oz Vodka (I used Monopolowa, best vodka ever)
1 oz limoncello (but not necessarily Danny DeVito's limoncello, despite its fancy ceramic gourd)
2 oz sour mix
Its like letting a drunk lemon have it's way with your mouth. |
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| Exausted pants |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|09:37 pm] |
By damn I'm tired.
It was worth it though, 100% worth it. The pictures didn't come out as well as I would have wanted but there was much excellent hanging out done. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|05:53 am] |
Love me cancerously
Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea.
'High-maintenance' means
You're a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean.
Kill me romantically
Fill my soul with vomit
Then ask me for a piece of gum.
Bitter and dumb
You're my sugarplum.
You're awful, I love you!
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed
Must be the sign on my head
That says, oh...
Love me dead! Love me dead!
You're a faith-healer on T.V.
You're an office park without any trees
Corporate and cold
Gushing for gold
Leave me alone.
You suck so passionately
You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature
finger-bangin' my heart
You call me up drunk
Does the fun ever start?
You're hideous and sexy!
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed
Must be the sign on my head
That says, oh...
Love me dead! Love me dead!
Love me cancerously
How's your new boy?
Does he know about me?
You've got the mark of the beast.
You're born of a jackal! You're beautiful!
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed
Wha' 'bout that sign on my head
That says, oh...
Love me dead!
DAMN YOU ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) j_buns for not telling me about this earlier! |
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| SMBC |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|04:09 pm] |
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| Windows 7 |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009|01:57 pm] |
So, one of the big new features that's in the advertising for Windows 7 is that you can play media files on a host and have the output come out on another host in the network. Basically, your computer in the kitchen can be the speakers for your computer in the den.
Well done Microsoft. You finally got Windows File and Print sharing to work. It only took you 12 years and *nix has had this capability for.. what 20 years now? Nice work. |
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| The books of the future |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|04:42 pm] |
Maggie Stiefvater is one of the few authors who gets it, and she's put out a video explaining it.
Of course, I've been at the forefront of this movement for nigh on to 10 years now, so I can't say this is a surprise, more like a hard won victory in a great war to bring the love of the tentacle to the people. |
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| Guess What? |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|03:08 pm] |
Guess who's got two thumbs and just got a raise.
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